And Then You Fly Page 23

  “Nope, I insist. If you can’t decide, I will. Let’s start with Zack.”

  She glared at him, but didn’t say anything.

  “You don’t want to talk? I will. You were married how long?”

  “Five years.”

  “And you were how old when you met?”

  “I was fifteen, Zack was seventeen.”

  “So you knew him, what, ten years before he died? How many of those years were you a couple?”

  “Pretty much all of them. What’s with the interrogation?” she huffed.

  “You’ve been frustrated with me in the past about…what was it you accused me of? Talking in riddles?”

  “That’s right. And telling me I need to figure it out for myself. What’s with the sudden shift? I’m not figuring it out fast enough?”

  “Maybe I’m feeling generous, given it’s Christmas.”

  “You’re giving me the gift of your infinite knowledge, is that it?”

  “Something like that.”

  She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her.

  “How old were you when you got married? Twenty-two?”

  “Close. I was twenty-one.”

  “You aren’t going to give an inch, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  Red continued asking her questions about her life with Zack. Most of her answers were no more than one or two words.

  “What are you getting at Red? I mean, can you just cut to the chase?”

  “I’ve been more than patient with you. Your turn.”

  “Oh for Christ’s sake,” she groaned.

  “Come on now, I think you’re enough of an adult to have one frank and honest conversation about the mess you’re making of your life. Don’t you?”

  Chapter 20

  That made her sit up and take notice. “What did you say?”

  “You heard me.”

  “By all means, please continue.”

  “Zack is dead Bree.”

  “I’m very well aware of that Red.”

  “No matter how many places you revisit that the two of you went, or how many letters you read, or pages in a journal, he isn’t coming back.”

  Bree’s eyes filled with tears. “I know that.”

  “I’ve spent a lot of time listening to you over the course of the last few months, and it wasn’t until last night that I realized who you remind me of.”

  “I thought I reminded you of your daughter.”

  “You do. But you also remind me of my wife.”

  Someone standing near the bar caught Bree’s attention. When she looked over, she realized it was Jace’s friend, and she was heading toward their table.

  “Well hi,” she said. “Merry Christmas. It’s so nice to see you again Bree.”

  “Do you know Red Dugan? Red this is a dear friend of Jace’s, Jill Woodward.”

  “You look familiar,” Jill said to Red.

  Red told her about the ranch, and that he’d eaten at the restaurant several times since they opened.

  “Thanks for coming back,” Jill smiled, looking back and forth between the two. “How’s our buddy Jace? Since you’re at a table for two, I assume he isn’t with you.”

  “He’s well,” Bree answered.

  “We were just talking about him,” Red smirked.

  “Then I’ll let you get back to your conversation. Have you ordered?”

  “Not yet,” answered Red. “But we’re in no hurry.”

  “Speak for yourself,” said Bree once Jill walked away.

  “Now where were we?”

  “Your wife.”

  “Ah yes. But let’s circle back to your husband first.”

  “What about him?”

  “There is an edge in your voice when you talk about him. Did you know that?”

  “There is today, because I’m mad at him.”

  “Something in the journal made you mad. And from what you said, it made you wonder if you’d made a mistake.”

  “Not that exactly. It just made me wonder. I’m not sure I ever really knew him. That’s crazy right? Of course I knew him.”

  Red sat back in his chair and let Bree talk. She told him a lot of what was written in Zack’s journals, and how she felt after she read the last entries this morning.

  After they graduated from the Air Force Academy, the new lieutenants had sixty days before they had to report either to their first assignment, flight or technical school. In Zack’s case, he was to report to pilot training in Texas. They were married, quickly, after he graduated. Their honeymoon had been their trip to Wyoming, Montana and Idaho.

  Free from the anxiety of being in school, Zack was light-hearted and fun. Some days they knew what they would do, and some days they let the day lead them to their next adventure. It was the most uninterrupted time they’d ever spent together.

  They fly-fished, and got to know Annie and Dave who were the outfitters in Salmon. At the ranch, they rode, and fished, went for long walks, and sat on the porch of the main lodge, and talked.

  Two days after they got back from Idaho, Zack left for Texas. Between then and the time he died, they were apart more than they were together. When he completed pilot training, he was stationed in Colorado Springs. Bree had completed her bachelor’s degree in the course of that time, and was thinking about continuing with graduate school.

  Zack encouraged her to do it. She remembered thinking how good it felt to know he believed in her. “Do it now,” he told her. Had he said, “before we start a family,” or was that just the way she remembered it?

  With both of them focused on their individual pursuits, Bree didn’t feel as though they saw each other anymore than they did when he was in Texas. The only difference was, they slept together every night.

  She brought it up to him one day, how she didn’t feel as though they ever saw each other. That was when he told her the news. It would get worse. He was being deployed to Afghanistan.

  The day before he left, one of Zack’s buddies stopped by to see him.

  “I can’t believe he volunteered to go,” the friend had said.

  When Zack walked in the house a few minutes later, Bree left. She told him she wanted to give him time to spend with his friend, and that she had errands to run. Both lies.

  She drove and drove that afternoon, with no particular destination. She was so angry with Zack, she considered not going back to the house at all. In the end, she changed her mind, knowing she’d ultimately regret it if she didn’t see him before he left.

  When she came home, Zack seemed just as angry as she was. They fought about the deployment. He said the words she had read in his journal. “How can you not understand?” He accused her of being selfish, and only thinking of herself. And then he walked out.

  Sometime in the middle of the night, she heard him come back in. But he didn’t come into the bedroom, he slept on the couch. When she got up the next morning, his bags were packed and he was standing by the front door. Bree walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and when she came back, he was gone.

  “That was the last time I saw him.”

  “Get rid of them.”

  “The letters?”

  “And the journals. Especially the journals. Don’t read another word.”

  “But, why?”

  “As I said at the start of this conversation, there isn’t anything that will bring him back. In fact, reading words that weren’t meant for you, is doing the opposite. It is pushing him further away. Let your memories be, Bree. Let the rest of it go. No good will come of you knowing what else there is in those journals.”

  “What do you think I’m going to find?”

  “Who sent you the box?”

  “I already told you, I don’t know.”

  “There must have been a reason whoever it was didn’t want you to know.”

  The waiter came back to the table and asked if they were ready to order. “Go ahead,” she told Red.

  He ordered for them bo
th, and excused himself from the table.

  Was he right? Should she just let it all go? Reading as much as she had certainly hadn’t helped her either mourn him, or let go of him. It only reminded her that things between them were far more strained than she remembered them being.

  Red sat back down at the table. “Ready?” he asked.

  “For what?”

  “Let’s talk about Jace.”

  Bree felt as though she was being put through an emotional wringer. “Must we?”

  “Oh, absolutely. That’s what I really want to talk about.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you need to see what everyone else does.”

  “And that is?”

  “Jace Rice loves you heart and soul,” he paused when Bree started shaking her head. “And what’s more, you feel the same way about him.”

  “I don’t know—”

  “Hear me out.”

  Bree sat back in her chair, the same way Red did. But she folded her arms across her chest.

  “Didn’t your mother ever tell you how rude that is?”

  “What is?”

  “Folding your arms when someone is talking to you?”

  Bree released her arms and rested her hands in her lap. “Better?”

  “Much better. Now, as I was saying…”

  ***

  December 23. He still had time to drive to Monument and spend Christmas with his family. He wouldn’t make it if he didn’t leave now. He went upstairs to pack a bag.

  After he painted all the rooms on the main floor, he finished repairing the wood floor, and installed the tile in the kitchen, and in the downstairs bathroom. He hadn’t started the work on the upstairs of the house yet, but there would be time when he got back from Colorado.

  Whenever he went up the back staircase, he thought about what Vi had said about the attic. He doubted there was a body up there, as he’d initially worried about, but whatever it was, he wasn’t sure he wanted to find.

  It was hard enough that he couldn’t get Vi’s words out of his head. “Not everyone is cut out for life on a ranch.” The more days he spent at home, the more those words rang true. Even if a relationship with Bree was possible, which he now felt certain wasn’t, would she consider living here with him? And if she did, would she last five years? Fewer?

  The last time he talked to her, he was at NFR, and she was headed to Idaho. Since, she hadn’t called, or even messaged him.

  It was two days before Christmas, and a month ago, he expected they’d be spending the holiday together. If he didn’t get on the road soon, he’d being doing the only thing worse than not being with her, by being alone.

  “Hey mama,” he said when she picked up the phone. “I’m fixing to leave now, so I’ll see you sometime late tomorrow night, as long as the weather’s good.”

  “Uh Jace,” she stammered. “You might not want to leave.”

  Before he could ask why not, he heard a rap at the door. “Give me a minute Mama, someone’s at the door. It’s probably Yancy. I asked him to swing by the house when he had a few minutes. I’ll call you right back.”

  Jace hung up. “Come on in Yance,” he yelled as he walked toward the door. Maybe Yancy didn’t hear him. Jace opened the door. Bree Fox stood on the other side of it.

  “Hi.”

  “Uh, hi.” Jace stood back from the door, where the wind blew snow across the threshold. “I’m sorry, you must be freezing. Come in.”

  He stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Can I take your coat, or, uh, are you cold? Do you want to leave it on?”

  “No it’s fine.” She shrugged her arms out of her coat and Jace hung it across the back of a chair in the dining room. “Come in,” he motioned to the living room.

  Bree stopped in front of the suitcase that sat at the bottom of the stairs. “Were you going somewhere?”

  “I was. But that isn’t important now. What are you doing here? Wait, that didn’t come out right.” He put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. He leaned down and brushed her lips with his. “I’m so happy you’re here Bree. So happy. Tell me why you are.”

  “I needed to see you.”

  Jace walked to the couch, holding her hand. “Come sit down. Your hand is so cold, I’ll light a fire.”

  He did, and then sat down next to her. He pulled her close and kissed her again. “I missed you so much,” he whispered.

  “I missed you too,” she shifted back on the couch, further away from him. “I’m so sorry Jace.”

  He moved forward, closing the gap between them again. He reached out and cupped the side of her face. “There’s nothin’ for you to be sorry for darlin’.”

  “I, uh, should’ve called first,” she looked around, as though she expected to find someone else there. “You were leaving.”

  “It’s okay, I already told you. That’s not important now.”

  “Where were you going?”

  “I decided to go to Colorado. Spur of the moment. I didn’t want to be here alone.”

  “That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

  Jace didn’t know what to say. He was so happy to see her. But why was she here? How had she known he was here? “I’m so glad you’re here. I know I already said that too, but I am.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “Okay.”

  “Jace…I…I’ve been wrong about so many things. About Zack, about you, about us.”

  “Oh sweet girl…”

  “Um, it was kind of a long drive. Do you have a rest room?”

  Jace stood, “of course, right here,” he led her around the corner. “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”

  “Sure, that would be nice.” She stepped into the bathroom, the one he’d just finished re-tiling, and closed the door.

  Jace went into the kitchen. He didn’t have much. Would she want a drink? He opened the cupboard. Behind the bottle of bourbon, he found some brandy. Maybe she’d like that.

  He poured two glasses and went back to the living room. She sat on the sofa; she’d slipped off her boots, and her feet were curled up under her. She’d pulled the blanket off the back of one of the chairs, and was draping it over herself.

  “I thought this might warm you,” he handed her the glass.

  “Thank you Jace,” she smiled up at him.

  “So you drove? From?”

  “I left this morning. From Stanley. I was at the ranch. Well, not at the ranch really. It was closed. I was at Red’s. He has a cabin on Pettit Lake. Did you know that? It’s beautiful, really beautiful. And it was so gracious of him to let me come and stay.”

  His fingers caressed the side of her face. He leaned forward and kissed her again. There were so many things he wanted to say. But he needed to listen. She came to him, and he needed to let her tell him why.

  “Bree. Sweet Bree,” he whispered. “Why are you here?”

  “It’s simple really,” she rested her head on his shoulder, and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Because I realized there wasn’t anywhere I’d rather be than with you.”

  Jace felt the air leave his lungs. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tightened his arms around her. Before he could speak, Bree put her fingers on his lips.

  “I care about you Jace. But it’s more than that. I want to be with you.”

  He wrapped his hand around hers, and kissed her fingertips. “I want that too.”

  “I hoped you did. Red told me you did.”

  “Red had to tell you? You couldn’t tell?”

  She shifted so her back rested against his chest. “There’s so much I’ve been wrong about. I didn’t want to be wrong about you.”

  “What happened sweetheart? Why did you go to Idaho?”

  “When I got back from Thanksgiving break, I received a box. Someone, I still don’t know who, sent it to me at the Air Force Academy.”

  “What was in it?”

  “Letters, and journals. From Zack. Z
ack’s journals. At first I couldn’t read them. I started, but it was too much. I called Red and asked him if I could come and stay. I sent the box up to him.”

  “Go on.”

  “I didn’t read them all. I didn’t have to. I learned more than I wanted to in the ones I did read. It wasn’t what I thought.”

  “What wasn’t?”

  “Our marriage. Our life. My life with Zack. We weren’t what I thought we were. Or he wasn’t. Or I wasn’t. I’m not making any sense, am I?”

  “I’m listening.”

  “After he died, all I could think was that it would’ve been okay. When he came back from Afghanistan, we would’ve been okay. We would’ve started a family. But, I don’t think we would have. We fought before he left. I told you that we didn’t say goodbye.”

  “I’m sorry Bree. I know this must be very difficult for you to talk about. If you don’t want to, it’s okay.”

  “It isn’t that. That isn’t the part I want to tell you. You, that’s what I want to talk about.” She shifted again, so she could look into his eyes.

  “No one else showed me the kindness you did. But more, no one has ever made me feel the way you do.” She put her hands on his chest, and grasped his shirt. “No one. Not even Zack. Especially not Zack.”

  When she put her lips on his, Jace could not hold back. His mouth took hers, hard. He ran his hands down her sides, and grasped her hips, pulling her closer to him, onto his lap, forcing her to straddle him. “I missed you so much,” he said into her mouth, before he thrust his tongue around hers.

  “I need you Jace.”

  He put his hands under her bottom, and stood. Her legs circled his waist, and he carried her up the stairs.

  Bree breathed in the scent of him. He must’ve taken a shower just before she got there. She kissed his neck while he carried her, ran her tongue over his skin. She nuzzled his ear, as he rested his knees on the edge of the bed, and slowly lowered her onto it.

  His breath was ragged as he pulled her sweater up over her head. He tossed it aside. His gaze idly drifted over her, down to her jeans. He stopped, and unfastened them, jerking them open, and down, over her hips, and off, throwing them out of his way. His lips ran from her ankle, up, trailing soft kisses from her knee, up her thigh. His hands stroked her belly, and moved up. He pulled against her bra, exposing her breasts. Bree reached around with one hand and unfastened it. Jace moved up, running his lips where his hands had been just before, he sunk his teeth into the cup of her bra, and pulled it away from her skin, tossing it aside. His lips returned, nipping, then licking to soothe the sting. Her muscles rippled beneath the heat of his mouth. She gasped, she sighed, she groaned. She may have even screamed; it was impossible to tell. She couldn’t hear anything above the roar of blood pounding in her ears, her body throbbing.