And Then You Fly Read online

  And what about Jace? That was the question he asked. Was she still feeling the same way about him? Even though she’d spent most of the last month thinking about Zack, Jace was there in the back of her mind. She dreamt about him as often as she dreamt of Zack, and when she closed her eyes and imagined someone’s arms around her, it was almost always Jace.

  “I do,” she answered, after too much time had passed. Jace had stopped breathing, waiting for her to answer.

  “What about you?” she asked him.

  “Do you need to ask?” he laughed.

  “Yes Jace. I do,” she didn’t laugh.

  “It’s different for me Bree. I’m not mourning someone. I guess I am in a way, but it’s so different. I’m estranged from my brother, and I need to fix it. Part of doing so, is me coming to terms with who I am. But all of this, I could and would do with you by my side.”

  “You would?”

  “Of course I would. You make me want to be a better man Bree. I can’t explain it, but you do. All my life I’ve worried more about being liked than being a good man. As long as everyone saw the fun, happy side of me, they’d never know the guilt and shame I carried around with me.”

  Jace closed his eyes and imagined she was next to him. “You have this way of looking at me, and when you do, I feel as though you can see all the way through me. I can’t hide the guilt, or the shame, from you. And more, I don’t want to.”

  “I don’t know what to say Jace. I’m flattered that you feel that way, I love that you feel that way. But—”

  “No, don’t say it.”

  That made her laugh. “That’s usually what I say to you. But I can assure you, you don’t know what I’m going to say anymore than I do, as you’ve proven to me over and over again.”

  “You were gonna say I need to do this for myself, not for you.”

  “Well damn, Jace Rice, I guess you did know what I was going to say.”

  “I am Bree. I’m doing this for me, not for you. You just make mewant to do it. Do you understand the difference in what I’m saying?”

  She told him she did. And then he told her about Tucker’s paintings, the ones he’d seen yesterday.

  “I wish I’d seen them Jace. I can’t believe how hard I tried not to. I could’ve…”

  “It was better that you didn’t. I gotta admit, Lyric threw me for a loop, but it was better the way it happened. I was blindsided, but I think I needed to be.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I haven’t figured it out yet. What do you think I should do?”

  “Ride over.”

  Two hours later, Jace had one of the boarded horses saddled up and was headed across the field to see his brother, Tucker.

  Chapter 8

  As he rode up, he could see his mom and dad out on the front porch. Tucker, Blythe and the baby were with them. His father walked toward the railing and shaded his eyes with his hand. Moments later, his mom and dad went inside. Blythe followed them, carrying Cochran in her arms.

  Jace held his breath. Would Tucker go in too? Would he shut him out? He felt sick to his stomach waiting to see what his brother would do.

  Instead of going inside, Tucker walked down the steps of the porch in Jace’s direction. Jace stopped the horse, and climbed off. He and his brother were still separated by close to a hundred feet.

  “Tucker.”

  “Jace.”

  Jace walked toward him, holding the reins of the horse in his left hand. He had no idea what to say. This might have been easier if he’d taken a shot of whiskey before he left Billy’s house.

  “I saw your paintings yesterday,” he said when they were within a couple feet of one another.

  “I know,” answered his brother.

  “I don’t know what to say Tuck.” Jace looked at his brother, through the tears that were filling his eyes.

  “It’s usually me that comes crawling back with my tail between my legs. And you’ve always made it easy for me.”

  “This is different Tuck. You never did anything—”

  “Of course I did. Every time I left and expected you to clean up my mess, I did something.”

  Jace looked into his brother’s eyes. He saw the same pain he was feeling.

  “I can’t tell you I understand Jace. I don’t. I’m damn mad at you, and for a while I thought I hated you. But, I don’t. I couldn’t.”

  “I would. I’d hate you if you’d done what I did.”

  Tucker put his arms around his brother and hugged him. “No, you wouldn’t. And you wouldn’t have let so much time go by either.” He released him, but kept one hand on Jace’s shoulder. “But then you’ve always been a better brother to me than I’ve been to you.”

  “How can you say that? Tuck, I fucked up pretty bad.”

  “You did that,” Tucker’s gaze was penetrating. “But so did I. More than once.”

  “I was just thinkin’ this would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if I’d had a drink before I rode over.”

  “Then it’s time we had one. Come on inside. There’s somebody I want you to meet.”

  ***

  Bree was out on the water when the text came through from Jace. It startled her since she so rarely had a signal when she was fishing.

  In the photo he sent, Jace held baby Cochran on his lap and they were both waving at her. Her eyes filled with tears, of happiness for them, but sadness for her. She missed them both so much.

  What she couldn’t explain, was the feeling that came after. If she could put a name to it, it would be dread.

  ***

  Jace had gone back out to the porch by himself. Tucker was putting the baby down for a nap. When the door opened, he’d expected to see his brother, but instead saw his wife.

  He stood to hug her. “How are you Blythe?”

  “Better now that you’re here.”

  “Me too.”

  “How are you two doing?”

  “Okay. Tentative. Haven’t talked too much yet. But it’s coming.”

  “You met your nephew. He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

  “He is. Couple people told me he looks like me,” he laughed.

  “Well, you and Tucker are twins.”

  He laughed again. “That’s always my answer.”

  The door opened again, this time his mom joined them. He opened his arms to her too.

  “I’m proud of you son,” she said to him.

  “Thanks Mama.”

  “Your daddy is proud of you too. Both of you. It takes a big man to own up to his mistakes. Too many people choose to walk away instead. That would have been as much of a tragedy as the one that started all of this.”

  Jace wondered when the time would come that he and Tucker would be forced to sit down and talk about it. It had to be soon, he and his daddy were supposed to leave for Crested Butte in the morning. Maybe he should call Billy and tell him they might be delayed for a day or two.

  Carol looked over at Blythe, who was chewing her fingernails. “I’ll go back inside now,” she squeezed Blythe’s shoulder. “Let you two catch up.”

  “Thanks,” Blythe murmured up at her.

  “How’s my sister?” she asked when Carol closed the door behind her.

  “She’s good…I think.”

  “I know you talk to her Jace. She told me about the time you spent together. You can talk to me about her.”

  “Yeah, I know. And it isn’t a secret.” He laughed. “It. I don’t even know what it is.”

  “You’ve helped her.”

  “Have I? I don’t have any idea if I have. I was there for her, for a few days anyway, but we didn’t talk much about Zack. We talked around him. More about the things they did together than things about him.” He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair. “She tells me she needs to do this on her own. That’s another thing I don’t know, whatthis is.”

  “She grew up with Zack. When they met, she was a girl. With him, she became a woman. I have no doubt that Br
ee expected to grow old with him.”

  He knew it. And he knew she was grieving. How would she feel months from now? Would she still need him? Would she still want him in her life? Bree was one of the most independent women he’d ever met. And even without it being said, Jace knew he was nothing like Zack. Maybe when she came out of the fog of her grief that would be what she wanted, to be with someone more like Zack.

  “She needs time,” he said. “And space.”

  “You’re right about that.”

  “I feel as though you’re attempting to tell me something, in a very roundabout way.”

  “I think you should consider taking a step backwards.”

  She couldn’t have hurt him worse if she’d stabbed him with a knife.

  “Can I ask why?”

  “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  “And there’s a reason you think I’m gonna?”

  “I’ve seen you do this too many times.”

  Jace wished Blythe would stop talking. He agreed with her, that was the problem. Jace was the fall-back guy. It had happened with Renie, when she was trying to sort through her feelings for Billy after she found out he’d had a baby with another woman.

  Then again with Blythe. For a while he believed he was in love with Blythe. Until Tucker came back. And then Jace was left by the wayside. Again.

  Bree was brilliant. She was beautiful, and funny, and could do whatever she wanted with her life. She and Zack had talked about traveling when he was able to take leave again. She told him about some of things they’d talked about. Most of which didn’t sound that appealing to him. He didn’t admit it to her, but it made him question whether they considered the same kinds of things “fun.” Rather than traveling to a third world country to participate in an archaeological dig, Jace would’ve been happy going skiing in the winter. Or in the summer, going somewhere they could hire horses and ride. Or even spend a week at an isolated cabin, where they could hike, or go for long rides, or spend the day in bed.

  When she finished processing through her grief, and felt ready to move forward with her life, would she realize how different he was from her late husband, and consequently, leave him in the dust as Renie and Blythe had done?

  His world was pretty damn small compared to hers, and he wasn’t going to be in the position to change it. If anything, it would get smaller. The larger their operation got, the less he’d be able to be away from it. He’d travel to rodeos, and stock shows, but that was about all he’d have time for.

  If his daddy had asked his mama to settle down on a ranch when they were younger, he doubted if she would’ve agreed. The life of a rancher and a rough stock contractor wasn’t an easy one. Animals required care twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Like kids did. He’d be tied to the land in Montana for years, maybe forever. He couldn’t envision her being happy with that kind of life.

  “I’m what you’d call a ‘transition guy.’ That what you’re tryin’ to tell me Blythe?”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. Bree is so much like my mom, and I’ve never been able to predict what my mom will do. I often wonder if she thought she was settling when she married my dad.”

  “Settling?” That was harsher than he expected.

  “Yeah. Then again, I might be full of shit Jace.”

  He was afraid she wasn’t.

  ***

  “How do you manage to find me? I told somebody you put a tracking device on my rental car,” Bree said to Red when she saw him walk out of the woods.

  “I’m psychic,” he deadpanned.

  “Right. So, you’re back.”

  “I am. And you’re still here.”

  “Wow Red, it sounds as though you were hoping I wouldn’t be.”

  “Not at all. I told you before I left that I hoped you’d still be here when I got back.” He sat down on a rock and studied her.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “Tryin’ to get a read on you, that’s all.”

  “What kind of read?”

  “On how you’re doin’.”

  She was better, or at least she felt better today. She had no idea what tomorrow might bring.

  “How long has your wife been gone?” she asked him.

  “Goin’ on two years. But it wasn’t sudden with her. I had time to prepare myself, say goodbye, that sort of thing.”

  “Do you think it makes it easier?”

  “I don’t know. Other than my brother, I haven’t lost anybody the way you did. When he was killed, I was still a youngin.”

  “Not saying goodbye—that’s the hardest thing for me, I still don’t feel as though I have.”

  “It’ll come. You’ll know when you’re ready.”

  Red looked off in the distance. Bree knew there was something more he wanted to say, but he was stopping himself.

  “What is it Red?” she finally asked. “I’ve spent enough time with you to know when you’re leaving something unsaid.”

  “The young man, Jace. What’s the story there?”

  That was complicated. How did she describe her relationship with Jace? At first it was love/hate, more hate than love. But then it changed. There was electricity between them, she’d never been so attracted to a man, not even Zack.

  When she met Zack, she was fifteen. They waited three years before they made love. When she looked back on it, it was hard to believe they had. It had been easy between them, natural. She hadn’t felt the same sexual charge with Zack that she felt with Jace.

  She worried sometimes it was all they shared. They had so little in common, and what they did have, was based more on their families than themselves. If she’d met Jace at a coffee shop, or a bar, or somewhere else, if they’d come together initially as strangers, would anything have come of it?

  “I don’t know. He’s my brother-in-law. When we met there was so much going on with our two families. We were thrown together more than anything else.”

  “And now?”

  “I can’t answer that. I like thinking about him. But part of my reason for wanting to come here was to figure out if Jace Rice was just my way of staying in denial about Zack.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “That’s all you’ve got? Come on Red, just say it for Christ’s sake. Whatever it is, come out with it.”

  “It isn’t any of this old guy’s business. Like everything else, you gotta figure it out for yourself.”

  “You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”

  “How ’bout another trip up to Salmon? I was thinkin’ of headin’ there tomorrow.”

  “Hardly a segue, but I’d like that Red. I spent some time with Annie and Dave while you were gone. It was…good. I mean it was really hard, but then it got easier.”

  “Life’s like that.” Red stood and walked toward the woods. He waved behind him. “See ya tomorrow.”

  Her conversation with Red was unsettling. It was as though he saw something she didn’t. And whatever it was, should be obvious to her.

  It was Jace. The man was…hot. Not the kind of man who usually gave her a second look. Blythe maybe, but not her. And he wasn’t her type either.

  Maybe things would work out on their own. Maybe she was over-thinking it. Soon she’d go back to Monument, and start teaching at the Air Force Academy. The professor she was filling in for was due to have her baby near the end of August. The timing was perfect. Bree would simply fill in for an academic year, and then the following year, the professor would return. Originally she’d applied for a two-year position, but this worked out better.

  She hadn’t begun to think about what she might do when her stint was over, but maybe she should.

  Jace, on the other hand, knew exactly what he’d be doing. He’d be busy on his ranch in Montana. And maybe in Crested Butte. When he wasn’t at either place, he’d be traveling to rodeos. She knew nothing of that life. She loved to ride horses, but that was the extent of it.

  She used to go out to Billy Patterson’s ranch and watch Jace
and Billy practice riding broncs. It was fun to watch, but after a while, she got bored. Rough stock was Jace’s whole life, he was raising bulls full-time. Could she feign enough interest in conversations about bull semen to make him think she cared? She doubted it.

  ***

  “Change of plans son,” Jace’s dad said when he came out the front door to where he and Blythe were still chatting.

  “What’s that?” Jace asked.

  “Tucker hasn’t had a chance to talk to you about this Blythe, but what would you think about all of us going to Crested Butte?”

  “I’d love it. I haven’t seen Renie in weeks.”

  Blythe and Renie had been best friends since kindergarten. It was hard to remember sometimes, the two were so different.

  “What about Lyric?” she asked Jace. “You saw her yesterday, do you think we could talk her into going too?”

  “Maybe. She was talking about getting her brother to come to Crested Butte. This might be a good opportunity.”

  Blythe called Lyric, who thought it was a great idea. Instead of driving with them, she said she’d meet them there. She figured the only way to get her brother to go would be if she went to Oklahoma and dragged him with her.

  “You think this is a good idea? Putting the two of us in a truck by ourselves for five hours?” Jace asked his dad the next morning when they were getting ready to leave.

  “You can kill each other easy enough inside a truck or out,” his dad answered.

  “Thanks. That doesn’t make me feel better at all.”

  “Wasn’t meant to.”

  Blythe and the baby were in the SUV with Hank and Carol. Blythe made Jace promise that he’d drive the speed limit, because she knew with the baby in the car, Grandpa Hank wouldn’t go a mile over it.

  “I don’t want to get too far separated from you two,” she told him.

  Tucker walked up to the truck and put his hand out. “What?” asked Jace.

  “Give me the keys.”

  “Uh, nope. I’m drivin’.”

  “I hate the way you drive. It’ll take us an extra hour to get there with you behind the wheel.”